**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
