Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
