My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
