cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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