I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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