2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Randomize
