i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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