i just wanna soil my oats bro
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
They have beer where we have blood.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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