Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
