I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
