my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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