His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
