i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
