I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
