He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
