I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
