the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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