BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
