mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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