that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
