You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
