break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
