the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
