she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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