ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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