Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
