I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
