so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
