i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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