if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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