I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
