My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
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