I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
