I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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