The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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