Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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