dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
