Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
