anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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