There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
