well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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