first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
