he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
