I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Randomize
