Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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