Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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