He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
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