You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i believe in u and ur pee
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
