you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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