We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
