I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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