drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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