if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
